A Year Of Living Intentionally Day 7: Encountering Resistance
“Our very survival depends on our ability to stay awake, to adjust to new ideas, to remain vigilant and to face the challenge of change.”
— Martin Luther King Jr. —
On day three of this journey I got sick. And that derailed things. Temporarily it turns out. But it was nearly permanent. I thought of giving up this project more than once over the last few days. Who would know? Who would care? — I thought to myself.
The day after the day after my birthday I woke up feeling wretched, just moments before I was meant to be on a call. I didn’t send my regrets because of how hard it was to get everyone on the call in the first place. Trying to find another mutually agreeable time with colleagues spread out across the world would push deadlines and delay funding. I didn’t want that.
So I jumped on the call with my croaky voice and wrapped my achy body in a cozy blanket. After the call I continued working because the funding for the initiatives I lead depends on me doing my job. Taking a day off didn’t feel like an option. Of course it was. It always is. We don’t have to grind. But we’ve been conditioned to believe that we do. And the voices in our heads spur us on. It feels like it’s never enough. That we’re never enough.
But it’s all a lie. Albeit, a very believable one.
I didn’t meditate for a few days. Didn’t do breath work. I wasn’t present. I wanted to be anywhere but here. In this body fighting off a virus.
But then the following day I felt a little better and went out onto the sandbars at low tide. Felt my toes in the sand. The cool water on my legs. The sunshine on my face. Heard the call of birds fishing for their lunch. Saw creatures scurrying away from sight in tidal pools in a bid to stay alive.
And I realized that being here isn’t so bad.
The deeper I could immerse myself in the here, the better I felt: rooted, grounded, peaceful. The more I released wanting everything to be different — wanting to be anywhere but here — the more I was able to revel in the knowing that this moment is already perfect. That I am perfect. Enough. Worthy. Loved. Loveable. All the things.
Today I am almost completely recovered. But still I had to fight to sit down at my laptop to write this. There was so much resistance. I wanted to get right to work. To work on the proposal that is waiting for me. The report that comes after that. But I said no, you made a commitment and you will follow it through. I resisted still though. My body was having a tantrum. No it said, just let me get my work fix. But I disciplined myself to write. Just five minutes, I said. And now it’s 15 minutes later and the words are flowing. My body feels calmer. I’ve sunk into the now.
Here’s the thing I am learning: The more I make time for being present, the better all that comes after will be.
So now I’m going to get on with my day. Finish the proposal. Review the report. Check in with my colleagues. And then I’ll go walk on the sandbars again. And maybe a little cheeky paddle once the tide comes in a little bit. Tonight I’ll watch the sunset and revel in its beauty.
And through it all I’ll do my best to be: Rooted. Grounded. Peaceful.
Erin Roberts is a climate policy researcher and a curious human whose life is dedicated to making the world a little better every day. She is the founder and global lead of the Loss and Damage Collaboration and the founder and convener of the Climate Leadership Initiative.
